This is the story of how a Cacique bikini gave me the chance to break a 25-year long streak.

The last time I wore a low-rise bikini, I was thirteen years old at “fat camp.” It wasn’t even mine; I borrowed it from a counselor and wore it just long enough to lay on a towel by the tennis court during rest period for 45 minutes that single summer day.  Someone snapped a photo of it. I remember seeing it once, but that’s it…

It’s taken me 25 years to feel that free in my body again.

Here’s something you may not know about me; it’s been a wild year. See, I’ve ALWAYS loved myself. But, how I’ve defined that love has changed dramatically of recent. I have always passionately believed in the right we all have to feel easy in our skin. At any size, at any weight, at any stage of life. But feeling “acceptance” in our skin isn’t the same thing as feeling free in our body. And, as I know now, it isn’t the same as feeling bold. Empowered. Ready. Excited. Energized. Lively.

Those are words I never granted myself. These are feelings I never lived before…
I’ve made a heck of a lot of changes in my life this year. The biggest has been learning to live unapologetic in my truth.

Learning to be unapologetic about the things that inspire, how I live my life and how I feel about my body.

We get one turn around this dance floor, folks. There comes a time in your life when you realize it’s time to play the music you like, and dance like nobody’s watching. Or like everyone is watching. Except if anyone is heckling, you don’t care what others say because you’re too busy moving and shaking and living and laughing to be noticed.

Want to know something? Sit down for this, because this overweight, 38-year old woman is about to drop a truth bomb on you. Ready? That hiding? That anxiety you feel about who you are and what you look like? That fear you have that people are looking and going to laugh at you for dreaming big, being bold, or coloring outside the lines? It’s bananas.

When you “play small” in your life, nobody wins. Least of all you. Have you ever heard that expression? In the world of personal growth (a place I am dipping my toes in as a plus size wellness blogger) it’s a Marianne Williamson expression that explains how many of us shrug off our true desire, our true nature, to maintain security, control, and comfort. How we ignore what we really want so as not to rock our own boat, or the boats in the water near us.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,” Williamson explains. “Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?… Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”

In coaching groups, I teach others that the more we “show up” in our life, the more we are able to “show up” for others. And, that the more we show up for others, we are truly “showing up” for ourselves.

In coaching groups, I teach others that the more we “show up” in our life, the more we are able to “show up” for others. And, that the more we show up for others, we are truly “showing up” for ourselves.

Let me explain. The more fulfilled Sarah is, the more I live WHO I AM, and the more joy I feel in my life, the better friend I am. The better colleague I am. The more loving a daughter. The more present I will be for the man that I love.

Anyone here a mom? What do we think makes a more positive impression on a child; a mother who feels confident in who she is, and shows her (or him) that they are worthy and capable?  Or one who never fully accepts themselves, and is always apologizing or denying her own joy?

Imagine your capability to love as a partner, a spouse, a friend… and now imagine how that capability expands into a massive BOMB OF LOVE when you are peace with who you are, following the guidance of your personal True North. How much more can you give? How much more can the people you love feel loved and supported and seen?

It all starts with feeling free in your own life. In your body. In your passion. Free in knowing who you are.

It took me years to figure it out; I underrated myself for a long time. I didn’t do it intentionally, but it happened just the same. Now? I show up fierce. I show up free. I show up with joy from the inside out.

Wearing this Cacique plus size bikini took me far out of my comfort zone. But that’s the thing about feeling free. Once you really start to live that — once you feel it — your comfort can’t be contained into any single zone. It’s in the air. It’s in the way you breathe. There is less fear and more room to dance in the truth of who, and what, we are.

Want to add this bathing suit look into your life? Try these plus size bathing suits from Lane Bryant!
Knit Bikini Top with Built In Bandeau (a stunning suit I also bought and loved! Similar color family and low-rise style)
Knit String Bikini Bottom (the bottom to the suit linked right above– stunning and very low-rise!)
Strappy Deep-V Paisley Swimsuit (stunning one-piece version of the print I’m wearing!)
Paisley High Neck Swim Tank (same print as pictured)
Swim Tank with Built in Bra (same print as pictured)
Bikini bottom (only size 18 left)
Paisley Skirted Swim Bottom 

Sincere thanks to Lane Bryant for partnering with me to help tell this beach story of confidence! While this post was sponsored, the ideas expressed are 100% my own emotions and experiences. 

Big thanks to my dear friend Keith Webb who is always up for breaking through comfort zones, showing up, and offering friendship and support with grace and laughter. You can find him on Instagram here.